They say writing is therapeutic. I think it is true. I guess the whole reason for this blog is therapy. I’m not writing to see how many people read this jumbled up rambling thoughts of a aging gasbag but it is therapeutic to bang on a keyboard to release my thoughts as an aging gasbag.
I haven’t posted anything since March. I know, I know people…….calm down. I am asked almost daily when my next blog post will come out. People eagerly waiting in anticipation for just a hint of when the next brilliant, thought provoking post will grace the interweb. People begging me to just give them a morsel of my thoughts on what the next post topic will be. No seriously, they have…….really. Actually no one has asked when my next blog will come out but I digress but there are reasons why I haven’t posted.
In December of 2018 I found out that I had cancer. The dreaded word that we hope never to hear, I heard. Could not believe it. Tried not to believe it, I felt too good to believe it. Denial as they say is a river in Egypt and my denial was deep and wide.
Next was the anger. I hear people get angry with God over tragic life changing events. Not once has that been the case with me. I believe sometimes God gets too much blame for causing bad things in our lives. He gave us free will and sometimes we do stupid things and yes I think sometimes he gets too much credit for things in life that he knows we can do on our own without him. Seriously I don’t think God gives a rats ass who wins a football game or giving him the glory when someone pulls out of a parking spot on Main Street Downtown Greenville. My anger was with myself. Looking back at warning signs I may have missed. I have always been one to go to the doctor regularly but there was a period of a year and a half when my doctor moved and I struggled to find one that I was comfortable with. Pretty pissed at me.
Depression runs in my family. I always thought I was spared of of that dreaded illness and for the most part and have been. At least that is what I have always thought. Uh, no. I have experienced emotions, feelings, no feelings, what the hell am I feeling, strange feelings. Since I have never felt these kind of feelings, I can only assume that it is depression. Chuck Swindoll is a Christian pastor and author and he speaks about “Attitudes”. Mainly our attitudes and how they can affect our daily lives. I have always lived by this and reading this has been a part of my life for many years. Times like this, having a good attitude is critical.
Acceptance is something that slowly has come around. At first I hid this diagnoses from my family and friends and pretty much had crawled into a hole. I am slowly crawling out of it and although I am still not comfortable talking about it, this is a big step. I hate it, I hate the word but “it is what it is”, as the saying goes. So I except the fact that I have cancer, hopefully had cancer. The prognosis is good. I have been operated on and results are positive. This is all I can ask for, that and maybe God will give cancer, cancer. Life is good so enjoy it. Don’t let the Trumpster or the Democrats, Republicans ruin it for you. It’s all good, man.