So my wife tells me I have been irritable lately. She says I act mad all the time. I honestly don’t know what in the hell she is talking about. I don’t freaking act mad all the time. Sometimes she just…… especially when I walk in and every light is on in the house. That really…….or like today when I had to call her for something pretty important and her phone rings in our bedroom or maybe I act a little ill because I have a little devil running around the house with four legs destroying everything in its path or this morning being stranded on I 85 or going to the Doctors office today and this older woman was wearing flip flops and her toe nails looked as if she could swoop down from the sky and grab my dinner from a lake. However it did get me to thinking about so many things that piss us off.
Example #1 Years ago, many years ago I am driving on a major thoroughfare in Greenville SC on a nice, hot summer day and I am stopped at a red light watching this cute little squirrel trying to make its way across the four lane road.
“Go little squirrel, you can make it”, I thought to myself.” “The light is still red……don’t stop in the middle of Wade Hampton Blvd……there you go…..” “Scurry on you cute little rat with a big, bushy tail.” “Way to go Mr. Squirrel, you made it.
As the light turned green and Mr. Squirrel was on the shoulder of the road, resting from that tiring stop and go dash across the four lane road, I watched the car in front of me take off and swerve onto the shoulder of the road and run over Mr. Squirrel. “Isn’t that funny”, I said to myself. ” They just flattened Mr. Squirrel.”
Unfortunately that isn’t quite what happened. They did flatten Mr. Squirrel but reality is I chased them down Wade Hampton Blvd. like a apoplectic madman. I finally caught up with the youngsters and gave them quite the tongue lashing. If of course you call crying with rage like a berserk lunatic at a red light, begging and pleading to the young lads to open the drivers door of their vehicle just so we could talk, not realizing how stupid I must look to those at Church Street and Wade Hampton witnessing a man screaming to the young punks about why they ran over a squirrel five miles back. There are people — I categorize them as life’s losers — who get their sense of accomplishment and achievement from trying to stop others. Looking back at that little escapade in my life I have yet to determine who the life’s loser was. It’s the little things, the little bitty things.
Example #2 Sadly this hasn’t been that many years ago. I am in the big city of Lyman SC coming to a intersection and this guy pulls out and runs me into a parking lot of a detail business. Honestly, I wasn’t mad but for some reason he stopped and accused me of running a stop sign. He wasn’t too pleasant and his vocabulary was rather limited and I noticed he was fond of many four letter words. I pretty much held it together as I was attempting to show him that that he was wrong that he in fact had run the stop sign, not I. That didn’t go over too well and any moron could see that this may not turn out so well for one of us. Probably me. He had many more tattoos than I did. After ten minutes of this we were both getting more irritable but fortunately Lyman’s finest stopped in. As I was trying to explain to the cop what happened and being continuously being interrupted by tattoo man the cop finally had enough and grabbed actually handcuffed the guy and walked him over 50 yards away to show him the stop sign he ran. The guy calmed down and the cop didn’t arrest him and he walked over to me to apologize for acting like a ass. Of course when he held his hand out to shake my hand, I responded in Christian love because I am a Christian. I’m a trustee in my church. Heck I helped start a soup kitchen in Greer. You know I’m doing the Lord’s work. I eat at Chick-Fil-A once a week. So of course when he held out his hand to apologize I…… lifted my hand out and pointed at him and as eloquently as I could I said and I quote, “F*** You” and hopped in my truck and drove off. It’s the little things, the little bitty things.
Example #3 I could go on but writing about people who lack common sense, having to go to Spinx, the condition of music in America, being a UNC football fan in Greenville SC, Rebecca constantly forgetting her phone, Joel Osteen, politics, hard plastic packaging (what’s up with that) grabbing a chocolate chip cookie only to bite into it and its raisin oatmeal, texting someone who doesn’t have a Iphone (Love those three dots), walking in the bathroom and someone in the stall asked how you’re doing and you respond ok only to have him tell you he wasn’t talking to you that he was talking to the person on the phone, Burger King, cancer, computer showing me how bad of a speller I am. Not knowing when to end a blog. It’s the little things, the little bitty things that piss me off.