Pony died the other day. Pony ate at the soup kitchen where I volunteer. I don’t know anything about Pony. I don’t think anyone even knew his last name. Pony didn’t live in a nice three bedroom house with a white picket fence on Elm Street. He had no address, he lived in the woods. I don’t know if Pony had any kids or family of any kind. Wives, ex- wife’s, I don’t know. He didn’t have a funeral or memorial service where people stood to let us know what a wonderful person and what a wonderful life he led. There was no obituary for us to read so we could comment on all the things he had accomplished over a lifetime and how he made the best of “the dash”. Pony was an addict who died alone. Does he have anyone who wants or needs to know anything about him? I know that people experiencing homelessness are generally sicker than their housed counterparts and more prone to death. Poor access to secure and stable shelter, food, income, hygiene and health care makes it nearly impossible to be healthy. Furthermore, precarious living conditions make treating and coping with health issues much more difficult and pandemics only make it worse. I don’t know how old Pony was. Addiction tends to add years to your face. I wish I would have known him better. Pony was always friendly. He would ask how I was doing. I would say “fine” and that would be the extent of our conversation. Now that Pony has left us what I do now is think and wonder about is his life.

I guess sometimes I think too much. So much that I don’t understand especially when it comes to life. So many questions. I’ve always been one who believes that everyone of us was put on this earth for a reason and then I look at Pony and wonder why was Pony put on this earth. There has to be a reason, a reason that I am unaware of. I question God. I question my faith. I know that in life we make decisions and many of those decisions are bad ones and there are ramifications for those decisions. We all can relate. Pony made bad decisions, that is obvious. Was his life a result of those decisions? I don’t know because I never really spoke to Pony. I don’t know if anyone ever spoke to Pony. Jeremiah 29:11 says “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” I wonder what the plans were for Pony. I refuse to believe that God created Pony just so he could die alone, homeless but yet that is what has happened.

Can’t say as I blame anyone after they read this that they would ever want to read anything written by me. The old Gasbag is in a pretty crappy place right now. I realize it is hard in a pandemic when we are being told to safely distance ourselves and stay away from talking to people in this messy world. There are a bunch of Pony’s and there are a bunch of questions. Unfortunately there are very few answers.