Not only is today Friday the 13th but it is also my birthday. I have never been superstitious but as the great Michael Scott once said “I’m not superstitious, I’m just a little stitious”. I have had black cats, walked under ladders, been in the house with a open umbrella, knocked on wood and even broken mirrors and never have really thought about superstitions. Maybe I should be a little more “stitious”. Why you might ask?
Being born on Friday the 13th the whole superstition is making more sense. When I was 8 years old on my birthday while pitching I got belted by a line drive off my brothers bat. Looking back at his baseball career it may have been the only line drive he ever hit but I digress. A trip to the emergency room and a broken nose coming home with what looked like a big red rubber ball on my face I somehow survived that birthday but I was working on Connie Bookout and at 8 years old this was very traumatic experience. Little did I know this was just a start on wacky birthdays.
Years later during a birthday celebration at my dentist while getting my bi annual cleaning I stood up to get out of the chair and fainted. That little escapade alone has cost me a lifetime of abuse from my dentist that to this day doesn’t let me forget it. I recovered and made it home only to later drive myself to the emergency room after my appendix had ruptured. I spend my Birthday of 1980 and the next week with tubes in my nose and pretty much being miserable.
Not to be outdone by a little ruptured appendix, years later I had noticed I had a lump on my left breast. Made a appointment with my doc and he scheduled a mammogram which happened to fall on my birthday. So a day of sitting in a waiting room full of snickering women getting teased by some and being squeezed and being felt up, it was a day to remember. Kind of took me back to my younger days. Never mind. It gets better.
While under going a routine colonoscopy I woke up during the process. They found a couple of polyps. The doctor asked if I wanted to be put back under. I declined and he proceeded to in his best broadcasting voice explain with the help of the monitor to describe what he was doing. I only assume he was waiting years for this opportunity. He did tell me he was a Vince Scully fan. (LA Dodger Hall of Fame broadcaster). That didn’t happen on my birthday but I had to get another colonoscopy a couple of years later as a result of the polyps found on the first colonoscopy. That did fall on my birthday week. That counts. I was relaying the story of the previous experience of waking up during surgery to the anesthesiologist who was a rather large African American lady. While I was telling her the story she would shake her head and mutter, uh huh……really?……. Her response to my story and I quote. “ Well let me tell you one damn thing. They don’t call me “The Hammer”for nothing, your ass wont wake up from this one”. I think I woke up on my birthday of the next year.
At this point I should REALLY be reconsidering this whole superstitious thing. Little did I know the best was coming. Last year a was diagnosed with cancer and as fate would have it surgery happened on my birthday. Things have since worked out well I suppose but after you get news like that life truly changes and my life has. This year while they seem to think it hasn’t spread they still want to do some radiation to as they say “ clean up some things”. Andddddddd? Wait for it…….. You don’t have to. You know……. It was going to start on my birthday. I vetoed that. I’m going to enjoy my birthday and have dinner and maybe drink a few Corona’s with friends. Wait did I say Corona? What could possibly happen. There is nothing in the world that would ruin my birthday now, right? Anything?
Welllllllll????????? I could have swore I heard 2020 tell 2019 to hold its Corona and to watch this. He also said something about March. We found out what it was. I think I heard 2020 say that we would start a world wide pandemic and let’s start it in America on that day in March, I think the 13th. You know that day that loser Miller who has crazy things happen to him on his birthdays. Pretty sure it is the 13th. 2019 and 2020 hoisted their Corona and BOOM!!!!!! We have a pandemic.
Prepare my death certificate. I can give you the start and end date just not sure about the year. The good news is we can see the light. Vaccines are available. I’ve had one and my second one is due………let me see…….oh how about that……it’s scheduled on my birthday. Of course it is. Never had any doubts.